Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
