shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
