dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
