enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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