last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
