I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
