I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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