I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
