The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
