So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
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Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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