I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
