The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
