Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
