Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
