wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
