Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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