I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
