wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
