No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
This beer is not sobering me up at all
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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