okay pat passed out under dana's car
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
