i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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