How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
