do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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