I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
