I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
