Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
