when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
time to smoke my breakfast
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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