I'm gonna have a badass scar
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
