So drunk its hurt
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
