The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
