The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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