Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
