They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
