Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
