You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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