On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
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He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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