I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
