True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
