i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
