none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
