bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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