I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
