woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
