Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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