we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
