You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
