My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
