Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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