His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
