You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
