i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.