areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i think i have herpe
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?