and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
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Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.