i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time