in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.