I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed