It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
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Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
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ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.