If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
