I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
