And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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