My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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