if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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