he shaved USA in his pubs
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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