Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
