it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
