Your tits are I can't wait for
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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